To many, DJing is the art of picking the right song for the right occasion. But what if the right occasion is the wrong time? Or the right tune is played on a banjo with a contact mic on the inside? What if the crowd consists of four dat bois and a couple of lolcats sippin' on a drink called lemonparty? DJ Bus Replacement Service has been diligently answering all these queries and more. We interviewed her back in May 2018 when she played for Il Telefono and asked her to pick a few of her favourite freaky ditties.
1. Lil' Markie - Diary of An Unborn Child
This is filed in my playlist under “Nuclear option” when nothing else will clear the dancefloor. I have never played out this track at a paid gig, which is probably why I’m still being booked for gigs.
To quote my false-goddess-of-2018 Michelle Wolf from the White House Correspondence Dinner on abortion, “Don’t knock it until you try it. And when you do try it, really knock it, you know, you gotta get that baby out of there….I know a lot of you are very anti-abortion, you know, unless it’s the one you got for your secret mistress.” Not to be confused with Biz Markie or Markie Post.
(Very related: Lil Markie Sings)
2. Kromestar Vs Cotti – Mozart 3000
Dance music tracks that have sampled Carl Orff’s “O Fortuna” are, how do I put this, embarrassing.The most infamous version was Apotheosis’s version, made rare due to copyright claims by Carl Orff’s estate.
Since then it’s gone downmarket with myriad dubstep, hardcore, trance and trap versions, which you bet your sweet ass I’ll try to play all of someday.I’ll always remember Kromestar Vs Cotti’s version as the first one that made me pull a face.
Not to be confused with Mozart 4000, which is a mattress.
3. Sasha Bognibov – I Love the Girls of 13 Years Old
Quite possibly Moldova’s answer to Gary Glitter, this was Bognibov’s first of many subsequent attempts to be that country’s Eurovision national selection.
The original version from 2008 is difficult to find online; the linked version has lots of added studio flair but fortunately(?) preserves the original lyrics. The only time I played this out was in the paedophilia round of a Chin Stroke Soundclash. Every track played in that round could’ve easily made this list.
4. Queensrÿche – Scarborough Fair
This is probably the only other song you can think of about this town other than Blawan’s “Scarborough Harbour". Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of the ‘rÿche’s earlier works (most notably Operation Mindcrime), but this bombastic cover goes down as one of several cringeworthy things the band has done, another being the lawsuit over the rights to use the band’s IP when lead singer Geoff Tate left the band.
This is due to the restrictive covenant from the settlement, part of which reads “He can only refer to himself as the “Original Lead Singer of Queensrÿche or “Formerly of Queensrÿche" for a period of two years and that text must be at least 50% smaller than his name in all materials.”
No lie, I just found an earlier version, which I kind of love!!!
5. Agnete – Icebreaker
Incorrect banger in disguise from 2016’s Eurovision Song Context! The more I listen to this on its own, the more I’m endeared to how it throws the Scandi pop rulebook into the wood chipper.
This may be a challenge too far for me to work into a club mix without some half-time/double-time witchcraft.
Honourable mentions:
These versions of Nessun Dorma and Amazing Grace demonstrate what you can achieve if you fully commit to the finish: an honourable mention in an obscure DJ’s top-5 list.
And check this live interview from Balamii Radio where she plays these songs and more...